Dreaming ~ Never Recant, Sin

Walujapi carved a snakelike track

Along a cliff-face

Planted an impression of her buttocks

When she sat

This was her camp

This was the beginning

The beginning that never ended

(not yet anyway ~ big bang)

The dream of me

Rests

That dream of you

Lives

Mists residing in rock crevices

Trees

(that oxbow lake, that stagnant billabong)

Sometimes

Fire in the sky

I went up to the sky

Now

I am wind

Rain

Thunder

I am lightning

Lightning

Intoxicated by giddy exhilarations of light

(humility the first quality to collapse)

When

Drunk with the sounds of a narcissistic dialectic

She is

Messianic

She keeps it coming

She knows

What it is she does

Knows what it is she wants

A Gondwanaland Tale

(she wants)

When she dreams one

I am there too

I fill myself

With my own water

New water

(oh, you crocs go scatter)

Laze in the deep sun

Sun

Blaze

I am 10 or 16 years of age

Have proven myself worthy

I pass from childhood

Blood

I pass to woman’s blood

Now I have a different role

I have body paint and bric-a-brac

Emblems on my carcass

(inked)

Sometimes I have a tooth removed

Ears and nose pierced

Flesh cut with hallowed markings

Sometimes

Then the sorry business

I am totemic

Iconic

I am returned to the land

My goods dispersed

Burial

Pole

I was young

(very young)

Childlike too

Before bleeding grew me up

They unveil to me

That

Shapeshifter

I am

Mimic

I am

Copycat I am

(so what is that?)

They divulge to me

(demonstrating deference)

Odin

(Loki too)

Goad the other

Flyting insults

Badgering

That

Each

As metamorph

Birthed

In female form

Such contempt

Such calamitous politesse

Man

Reduced

Must mimic woman

Debased

To be

The trap

The gash

To hemorrhage

From wounds

Gained

In mankind’s oldest feud

I was young

(very young)

When I decoded

Strength is all

Cock is all

I must learn my place

I must know my place

I am invisible

(shapeshifter me)

I know my place

I am invisible

Intially disturbing

I quickly saw the potential of this

You did too

You did not see me

You chose not to see me

You did not have to see me

Kindred had done for me

Though

Introduced the classical

The mythological

And I bestowed it all on you

On the heath

(not Hamstead girls, get a grip!)

Everything classical ends on a heath

Or starts that way

On this heath

Silence withered

Like a bankrupt prick

Voices seethed through time

Cathy

Winds blew

Raged

Stella

Holy-water

And no dry house

Yes

This is a weather office circus

A never-ending

Dissonance of narcissism

(ah, wilderness/despair)

But

Then

(only then)

Will there be

A bona fide hope

In the face of this uncaring universe

That the rain might raineth

Every day

But

But then

Hey ho ~

(always one to buck the trend)

I whispered your name

Your name

(who the fuck are you to be in this company?)

I said it anyway

In a murmured undertone

I mouthed your name

Amy …

A clothesline to infinity

Flapped

Eased

Breathed

Sighed

A silence of providence

Divine

Intervention

Amy …

Sad though

(for me)

Invisibility

Is also hard of hearing

And

You heard me not

Proxy

(tangential)

In its place

(crux)

Instead

(yearning)

Instead

You became my pillow friend

Silent

You could not get away

You were high-density

With a urethane (hard) core

I was slow learning

An after dark

Scared-of-my-mother

Bedroom bore

Yet we kissed up a storm

You taught me

Now flick the tip

Rotate

Play chase the tongue

Back

Forward

Back

Suck

And gently bite

Heart beats

Like the wings of hummingbirds

Breath

(angel breath)

Your

Angel

Breath

I eat your air

In the bastard night

Your

Air

Promise-crammed

But you

(oh, you, you pretty, pretty thing)

You …

All my nightmares came today

You are truly

(truly)

Of the Chameleon’s Dish

Heir to more than this

We fat all creatures else to fat us

We fat ourselves for maggots

Maggots?

Fucking maggots?

Is that all this is?

Is this all there is?

My invisibility returns

So do you

Is that all?

I think so not

When this globe was spanking new

(do you remember?

pray you love

remember …)

Remember

Sun-woman fashions the baby-girl

Whose body shone

Made her

Shine with light

(Was home

Beneath ground in the west?)

I think so

(storyline say so too, ho hum)

She shone more even

As she ripened

Hiding

Under the land

Mostly

Other women

Tried to touch

Her

(some other women)

They scorch fingers

Like her body was not like theirs

Her body was akin to flame

‘Why is this happening’ chicks ask

‘Ah’ says Sun-woman

‘Me and daughter, we are Sun-Dreaming

Us both

So don’t touch me neither

Don’t touch me’

Then she say

(after pause longer than time)

‘When all the land is dark, Daughter-girl, she will bring you light

I, myself, cannot

(do you care)

I am, to boot, too strong

If I came up

Looked at you

Up there

You would turn to ashes

(cinders, even)’

Daughter-girl stayed living

Living lower than the earth

(Mother too, of course, she of the life-snuffing flame)

Darkness

(anonymity)

Fell

Crept on the land

Stayed

But

Sometime

(every day for want of a word)

Daughter-girl ascends the sky

Makes sunlight hours

Fleeting

Augmenting

The world

Daughter-girl begins to think

(hmmm, mother)

Lonely here

Lying in wait for her

Daughter-girl goes down

Down

Down in the west

Flares and blazes her way home

Until

Down she goes

Underground

Returning to Sun-woman

And darkness

Covers the land

Sleeping together

Sun-mother

Daughter-girl

Til birds wake

(singsong)

Again

Then Sun-woman sends her back

They made this Dreaming

For us

We could have light

All and every day

Light

Not darkness

Life

Not death

(and darkness)

Lady-moon gives us but a weak light

(stars scrawny too)

Mother Sun-woman

She is way dangerous

(burns us up if we go close ~ beware those women)

She

Too dangerous to see

Sun’s daughter though

Sun’s-daughter looks after us

Makes the land bright

Amiable

Makes

Life

She

Kisses the land

(as she did me)

Makes it blood luscious

(as she did me)

Sanguine

Swollen

Lush

(as for me)

As she did me

She kisses the land

Becomes

The land

Breathing

I reach for her

(For you)

Feel her air on my lips

Covering me

(Your breath)

Warmer now than the cool air of the breeze

Her face a disc poised above me

Shading me from the blood-dripping

Wrists

Of the universe

Floating

Eyes closed

(but seeing clear as a bell)

Tabula rasa

I am a silent blank canvas

Waiting

Then

Lips touch

(no anticipation, no time for that)

What is that?

Scent

White Jasmine?

Mint?

Air rush and gone

Lingered

Lingered for a moment

That scent

Gone

Then gone

You are inviolate

I am profane

Now you have red eyes

(it has happened)

Sharp teeth

The body of a man

The teeth of the barracuda

Here are canaries

Finches

Fantails

Guests

Of my calling

Primeval

Calling

Aue!

Aue ha!

They know the plan

These wings of deja vu

Been there before

Just another jaunt

(that way lies teeth)

They warn

I laugh

They laugh

Not me I say

I am cock-free

Cock-free

Maybe ginger-flavour

Maybe

But not the ginger man

The laugh is hollow

But not that ginger man

Eve

Echoes

The laughter

as the apple falls

Is it late now

Deep night

Bulb-bright

(it seems to me anyway)

That kiss betrays like a scar

(why this crush)

Pre-ordained

Of course

(you knew this when you entered my dream)

That it would end

Like this

That I would enter you

Regardless

And death would come

That I would die

Yearning

Not for yours

Nor just any nameless woman’s womb

But for my own

We are the sisters of the kiss

You and I

The Sisters of the Kiss

I am not Jocasta

I will not die by the needle

(at least not through my eye)

You are not Sarah

(you are never wife to a half-sibling)

You are wife to no man

This is not real

It is a dream

A dream

This is not real

Yet the horizon meets the sky

(as it did, as it does, as it will)

The fantail sings in the evening

Your Medusa-like tangles of hair

And the reek of the sea

Entice

We can live for eternity

I am

Moko huruhuru

(the one who glistens)

And you will feel no pain

(you’ve heard that before)

I know

The taste of you

From that fleeting moment

Intoxicates

Still

And your grip tightens

I am not your son

This is pleasure only

And you kissed me first

Remember?

You kissed me first

This is not about mortality

This is not about death

(the little death maybe)

The sneeze of life

This

About

Love

This is about lust

Then sleep

In arms new and holding

Brief and tender

A kiss

Delicate on lips sleeping

This is about leaving and returning

Not about death

Not death

But

Yearning

You are deaf to this

(it has been a long time)

You wake

Shocked

You crush me and spit me out

The echo of the apple falling

Sounds

Like a clod on wood

A pibroch hums from the throat of the fantail

Silenced the laughter

The Dawn Maid is awake

Her sex mocked

I am crushed for man

I am dead for all time

As you are

Dead for all time

Yet you kissed me first

Remember?

You kissed me first

In the silence of that moment

You kissed me first

I am awake

My bed is wet

With me

(maybe you)

I say it is sweat

I shut down

I am alone in the dark night

Alone

With the essence of your kiss

Embedded

In my heart

White Jasmine

(yours)

Saturates my neck

Your

Frangrance

Drenches me

Defines us

Eternally

I am not repentant

I do not seek forgiveness

My womanhood

Would do the same to you

In an instant

(For Amy but not about her – well, maybe a little bit about her.)

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