On the Conditions and Possibilities of Hillary Clinton Taking Me as Her Young Lover
By Arthur Meek
Featuring Richard Meros as himself
The Basement Theatre
3 – 6 March, 2015 at 9.00pm
Published at http://www.theatreview.org.nz
The publicity reads ‘Richard Meros, BA (Hons) is the self-proclaimed Machiavelli of Generation Me. In this anarchic and incisive journey into the hot and heavy heart of Western Civilization, Meros proves, step by barkingly-logical step, that Hillary Clinton not only wants a Young Lover, but needs one to win the 2016 Presidential Election. Furthermore, the only possible candidate for this coveted position is, by rational necessity, him.’
I’m not sure whether to take my son Finn who is twelve to the show because of the ‘young lover’ bit but err on the side of ‘what the hell’, he saw ‘Black Faggot’ when he was ten after all, and when I last asked him if we needed to have the sex talk he responded with ‘OK, Mumsie, what do you want to know’ so I figure he’ll be OK
I needn’t have worried because this is one fantastic solo show and there’s little in it that could possibly offend anyone at all, nothing, that is, that wouldn’t be instantly assuaged by a flash of Richard Meros’ (Arthur Meeks delectable alter ego) sparkling pearly-whites.
Arthur Meek
The main house at The Basement is clear of any clutter save a screen and a pink box on which sit a few bits of paper and a glass of water. We’re greeted at the entrance by Meros himself, all Ivy League charm and boyish bonhomie, in a smart dark suit and a zippy bow tie. Not every man can look all class in a bow tie but Meros does, in fact he looks as though he was born wearing it, like Clapton with a guitar or Jackman with his giant fingernails. In short, he’s the epitome of a Gentleman’s Quarterly cover pic, he’s that sartorial.
Before he does anything else though, he will need to convince a house bulging at the seams and suitably primed that he, and he alone, can win the key to Hillary Clinton’s boudoir – and more – in a horizontal heartbeat.
On the screen centre stage is a projection of the show’s poster, Clinton herself surrounded but a collage of faces and we spend the few minutes the audience takes to get themselves and their drinks comfortably seated to identify who the faces are. There’s Bill, of course, and Obama, Reagan, George Washington, Marilyn Monroe, a dog, and a stalk of broccoli. There’s also a picture of Lorde that raises a few eyebrows – ‘why is she there’ the woman in front of me asks, but I have no answer. In the spirit of good parenting I try to explain to my son who the woman with the big hair and the startling smile is. I name her as Monica Lewinsky and say she had an affair with Hillary’s husband while he was in office. Finn wants more details. I just get to the blue dress when, mercifully, the lights dim. It’s one thing to learn about oral sex from ‘Black Faggot’, quite another to hear about it in a full theatre from me. I mutter something about promiscuous heterosexuals and leave it at that.
Meros starts by taking a Polaroid of the audience. ‘For my Facebook page, he says, and so begins one of the most entertaining hours I’ve ever spent in a theatre.
The pace is blistering. Meros/Meek is a riot of brilliance. He lists all the presidents of the United States with the speed of a Tom Lehrer reciting the elements and speaks of his first sexual experience with Hillary Clinton. We think we know what it’s going to be but it’s something altogether different. He identifies our levels of educational achievement, hits on a PhD graduate, a Dr Ganesh, and proceeds to expose his academic shortcomings by asking him the name of Taylor Swift’s first album. The good doctor, of course doesn’t know but Jamie, a woman with no qualifications at all does.
Meros is slick and very, very funny. His Powerpoint presentation is ingenious – stunningly so – and the ongoing battery of images provide him with a second character with which to interact. His metaphors are brilliant too, the vampire in the kindergarten brought the house down. He sits, and gently gives a lecture to Bill Clinton about how his being Hillary’s young lover will enhance Bill’s own sex life and we believe every word.
He chats about White House scandals to justify his own place in an on-going rude history of that illustrious citadel – Jefferson had six illegitimate children and was greatly respected, Kennedy shagged everything that moved and was greatly loved, Hillary would be the same and he would be the beneficiary. Politics as an option? No thank you, he’d rather go back to Balclutha. Balclutha becomes the new Taihape in an instant and we can’t stop laughing. Oh, the power of rural New Zealand.
He quotes the greats: Run DMC said, and he agrees, ‘It’s like that and that’s the way it is’. We nod in agreement too – of course. With him at her side, Hillary would do the first 100 days in fifteen – and the room collapses in hysteria.
Next, he begins to intellectually eliminate his competition reducing an initial five or so billion down to just one: him – and the logic is … well, logical. It must be, he posits, someone unemployed and over-educated and that is, oddly enough, him.
To tell anything else would be to tell too much and I’ve already spoiled more than I should have so I’ll end by saying that if you see no other comedy performance this year see this one. You’ll have to be quick though because this show has a shelf life of only a year – the election that will place Richard Meros between white sheets in the White House is in 2016 and I don’t imagine we’ll see much of him after that because, as he so rightly tells us, the conditions and possibilities of Hillary Clinton taking him as her Young Lover are profoundly conceivable but that’s only if Homeland Security don’t screw him first.
As a post script, my family always waits until all the credits have rolled at the movies because, more often than not there’s a wee gem tucked away at the end. How often we’ve been the only bums on seats in an otherwise empty cinema and seen that last little cinematic treasure that everyone else has missed. Take my advice and don’t rush out because Meros has one last surprise for as you leave and if you get it you’ll thank me.
Enjoy!
dykiegirl 