(sightless sting) in the beginning, the end
for Shay
‘So for now, I will follow her advice. Let’s see how long it lasts.
What do you think of that?’
That was the last you wrote
You signed it
‘♥ME’
You wrote this on 09 October 2008 at 8:17am
My time
There are 16 hours and 4 minutes
Two continents
Contra-seasons
And
Three
Languages
Separating us
Then and now
Now as it was then
(not that I counted then – not much)
Now is a different story
(tears shed, oceans)
For an instant
(one only)
One
Moment
One
Point in time
In the soul’s history
I was
Ahead
Of
You
Ahead of you
In time at least
In time …
Then and still in time I am stood still
(counting endlessly now – as I did before, be honest)
But
In reality
(be honest)
Now
We
Are
Eons
Apart
(that’s what this is all about, princess)
What is written above is a lie
Of
Course
It
Is
Not that which you wrote
That is not to be questioned
As you were never questioned
As I never questioned you
Trust
Implicit
What I have written
Namely
‘That was the last you wrote’
Is
Not an intentional lie
Yet
It
Is
A lie
Nonetheless
What you actually wrote was:
‘I’m not comfortable with this friendship anymore. Please do not contact me from now on.’
You wrote this later
Some
Time
Later
In fact
To be exact
On Tuesday 28 October 28, 2008
At 12:22 PM
Your time
(I like to be exact)
Not that I am obsessive or anything
Tuesday 28 October 28, 2008
At 12:22 PM
Your time
Never short of a word
I replied
(of course)
I wanted so badly not to
I wanted so badly to do as I always do
(that which I am told)
I do as I am told
(write 100 times I do as I am told)
But
I replied anyway
I wrote:
‘Can I know why?
I’ve done my best to be a good friend. And I have placed no demands on you.
I respect your wishes but would like closure for me and my family.
WE have offered you our hand when you seemd to need it. That can’t be a bad thing, surely.
I am devasted.
I hope you are well, Shay.
To assist you to close whatever for you too, I never recieved any of thie things you said you’d sent me. None of them. The post must be really bad.’
There it is
There it is
There it is
There it is
Warts
Typos
Desperation
Between
Every line
Every word
Each
Letter
Tears
Wracking
Body aching
Snorting
Snot
Tears
That was written on 01 November 2008
I wish now
I wish
I wish I had not written that
(you know)
The
Bit
About
The post
I knew when you promised
That nothing would come
(nothing can come of nothing: speak again)
I knew
That
From day one
It was a cheap shot
Conceived in pain
Nurtured in guilt
Born of grief
Fired into the haze at a fading target
A cheap shot
Sorry
I am so sorry
I did not find the body for five days
(that last body of words)
Though I nosed it under the stairs
Way before that
Right
From
Day
One
(such a sudden flaw, not seeing what is there)
Such a character lapse
Not seeing the obvious
Not being in tune
In the zone
Not seeing the truth
Not
Sensing
The
Untruth
Now that’s a joke!
That’s meant as a joke
Some would say sarcasm
(not meant as that)
Not
Sarcasm
Cynicism?
Could be
May be
Twelve days ago I wrote
To
You
In reply
Seventeen
Since
You
Wrote
To
Me
And since?
Nothing
Ex nihilo nihil fit
(Parmenides would be pleased: thrilled)
I didn’t give to you in order to receive
I am not disappointed
Apart from by my own cheap shot
From you?
Silence
Peace?
Reconciliation?
Ceasefire?
Calm
No
Just
Silence
You and me
Me and you
Silent?
Not even adversaries
Just
Silence
Like lift-off
We
have
Severance
Severance
And we know that cut
The beauty of the world has two edges
One of laughter
One of anguish
Cutting the heart asunder
The
Slice
We
Both
Know
Well
This
Wild
Soundless
Unvoiced
Conspiracy
Endures
Devasted?
Yes
Devastated too
(a poor girl’s joke)
A girl’s poor quip
So
Dear reader
You have
Her last word
As
She
Had
The
Last word
(apart from my last word, the word I had hoped to be a first for the new us)
Not that you care
Not that you probably care
More than a yawn or two
A whispered
‘Why is she broken, pass the milk’
‘Who is she anyway, this dribbling shade?’
‘Let’s slip away’
But wait
There’s more …
Now you can have more
(whether you like it or not)
Now you can have the first: her first were:
‘Hey there!
I’ve only glanced briefly at your profile ~ but we certainly share much in common ~ gothloli, faeries, etc… how did you come accross me? It’s lovely to have been added to your list of friends.
And wow ~ that Mummy costume is UNBELIEVABLE!!!
♥
Shay’
Yes!
They are hers!
Her
Typos
(aren’t they mystifying?)
Wonderful!
(was she as excited then as I am shattered now?)
And
In between
That then: this now
In
Between
Was
Nine months
Of the closest
Deepest
Caring
So most loving
Devoted
Doting
Bond
A
Channel
Built
And
Buried
Deep
In preparation
Devastated?
Well, yes
More than a bit
More than a bit
How did it start
This
Fascination
I found her on Facebook
A loligoth group
She said
‘^_^’
‘So glad you did’
I was too
I am too
Because
Nothing
Changes
Nothing
Changes
Ever
Nothing
So
Breathe
My cue
Is villainous melancholy
I have a sigh like Tom o’ Bedlam
No
I’ll not weep
I have full cause of weeping
But this heart shall break into a hundred thousand flaws
Before
I’ll weep
(poor Lexie’s cold)
I’ll breathe instead
The prince of darkness is a gentleman
A bladed gentleman …
Breathe
Just breathe
Just breathe
(would you like pain with that?)
Tuesday 29 December, 2009
dykiegirl 